Meet CNN’s Newest Correspondent: Pec Flexman

I have a pretty steady routine when it comes to looking for things on the internet to yell at every other day on our webbed site internets log page. I have a few regular news sources that I scour for the most inane, ridiculous, mind rapingly dumb news stories of the day. Naturally I start […]

One Million Moms Hate Balls

During the winter break of my Sophomore year at the University of Nevada, Reno (go fighting Soft Sixteens!) I took a backpacking excursion through the inhospitable wilderness of the South American rainforest. I hiked for nine days with my trusty guide Tuo Uu-nu Eepchak. I was but a fool child, ill prepared for the conditions I would face […]

That Awkward Moment When You Get In a Van With Ronald McDonald and He Has No Hamburgers

The title of this blog comes from a very popular “Tweet” and mixes it with us, Van Full of Candy, and a cheeseburger slinging clown. It’s sort of a creepy-trifecta right off the bat. The “Tweetsy” I’m referring to is one that starts off … #ThatAwkwardMomentWhen … and people put all kinds of awkward moments […]

Dr. Keith Ablow is Really Angry By How Turned On He Is By Little Girls

While browsing the e-www’s this afternoon in search of the ridiculous and wrong to scream at, I stopped, as I often do by FOXnews.com. I stumbled upon an article written by a “Dr.” Keith Ablow with the headline “Dr. Keith: Is Vogue Magazine Creating Pedophiles?” I could do a thousand words on the headline alone; the sensationalizing of […]

Secrets of the TabCo Tablet! The Secret Tablet from TabCo! TABCO!

Do you own an iPad or a PlayBook or any other assorted Android nonsense? Well did you know that you might as well jump off a cliff as much as you know about anything? That’s what the people at TabCo want you to know, and they should know, because they’re selling you something. Have you heard? There’s […]

Can I get a Pack of Crusty Lung Light Menthol 100 Extra Slims Please?

Good news everybody! It’s still legal to suck disease straight down your throat, and it just got a whole lot sexier! Word came down today that the smooth, rich flavor that just makes life worth living is now going to come in new, “edgier” goth doom packaging. Adorned in “labels that depict in graphic detail the negative […]

Montel Williams Wants To Get You Stoned

So Montel William’s television show, monotonously named, “The Montel William’s Show” ended a few years ago. Not that anybody had any clue, hence, me letting you know. You probably know him better for his infomercials pushing his Healthmaster Blender to people who are too lazy to actually go to a grocery store, buy the ingredients to make […]

Sarah Palin: Professional Grifter

It used to be that a huckster would rumble into town in a brightly colored wagon emblazoned with grandiose hyperbole about their stature and abilities. And the townsfolk, how they would flock to this charismatic charlatan, selling them something they thought they wanted, taking their “donations” for the promise of a better life and happier tomorrow. […]

Happy Memorial Day Sale – Extra 15% Off + Free Shipping !!

In honor of all those who have shopped all over this great land of freedom called America (The Mall Of), and for those who have died on the battlefields of miserably long retail lines, we salute you with an extra 10% off your entire purchase if you sign up for one of our credit cards […]

Heinz Tomato Ketchup : It’s Monkey Shit Bitch!!

H.J. Heinz, the makers of America’s most beloved ketchup, Heinz Tomato Ketchup (not Catsup), has officially announced that they will be selling the “glass bottle” ketchup in select stores this summer. They said that they “want to bring some nostalgia to the summer barbecue season.” I know personally that I cannot wait to get ahold […]