Amy Winehouse: Sobered to Death!

What is the only thing more dangerous than washing down a quart of vodka with a gallon of gin? NOT doing that exact thing. Amy Winehouse, VOICE of a TENTH of a generation and general pile of human mess, did not die as a result of the excesses of a lifestyle that made her biggest […]

VFoC's Thursday Post Delayed Due to Sweaty, Sexy Celebration

Your regularly scheduled Van Full of Candy Thursday post has been temporarily delayed due to a sudden, raging Soccer on…    We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause, we just love Soccer so very, very much. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to the Soccer room to Soccer one out… USA! USA! USA!

Bulls and Beers: Nothing to Fear

People do stupid things. To be more accurate, college aged kids do stupid things. To be even more accurate, drunken, college aged kids do stupid things. I wouldn’t know, I was torn from the thigh of Zeus, fully formed, wizened beyond reason and sent here to entertain the masses with my razor sharp wit and imaginative […]

Sweden Wants to Steal Your Baby’s Genitals

As men, our number one mission in life is to ensure that no harm comes to our external reproductive organs. Above all else, this is our divine purpose in life. Our very existence revolves around the grandeur and majesty of our god granted penis. But if it were up to Sweden our magnificent boy glands would be treated as no more special than the common vagina! […]

Can I get a Pack of Crusty Lung Light Menthol 100 Extra Slims Please?

Good news everybody! It’s still legal to suck disease straight down your throat, and it just got a whole lot sexier! Word came down today that the smooth, rich flavor that just makes life worth living is now going to come in new, “edgier” goth doom packaging. Adorned in “labels that depict in graphic detail the negative […]

Anarchgay in the USA

Every time a gay thinks about marrying, God gets punched in the taint by the Devil and a kitten sucks a dick. A same-sex marriage bill is currently working its way through the New York state legislature which can only mean one thing, Jesus is warming up his wave machine while solemnly shaking his head in disappointment with […]

Secret Baby Genitalia Are Destroying Our Country

Your child needs to be told by everyone exactly what their genitalia mean to them socially and psychologically but then must never, under any circumstances, ever actually be instructed on how to use them by anyone. Especially not with weird anatomically correctish stuffed toys… But we’ll get to that… You see, two equally and oppositely frustrating stories popped up in various […]