Australia's Great White Shark Is a Weak Ass Bitch

Australian scientists uncovered the eyes of a 500 million year old super predator who dominated the oceans and would be considered in today’s standards, the great white shark of noicepolyolithiorianlike times. Now you’re probably wondering what the hell just finding the eyes has any relevance to this great white Australian discovery right? Well it’s because […]

Going Green to the Grave

Alrighty hippies, here’s your chance to really put your carbon footprint where your mouth was. A facility in Durham, England is ready to turn your last act of selfish global pollution into the greenest of green energies. Why let your rotting remains just disintegrate in the ground, a skeleton in a fine suit and a […]

This Time For Realzies: Judgement Day, Part 2: The Judgementing

Uh-oh, remember back in May, how the world was supposed to end with a bunch of goody goodies floating up into heaven and flashing their balls at us? And then remember how that didn’t happen and it was all hilarious? And remember how we all laughed at the guy who said the world was going to end […]

Science: It’s Not an Exact Science

Last week science made a wild ass guess about how many things exist and we were just supposed to let that shit slide… A paper published last week by the scientific journal PLoS Biology, which is a complete fucking guess, says that there are 8.7 million species on Earth. Of which, they completely make up that […]

AAAHHHHHH!!! (Apocalypse Edition: Parte the Somethingth)

It’s the end of the world! Oh sweet Jesus who up until this very moment when you might actually be of some use to me, I have heretofore ignored and denied, IT’S THE END OF THE MONKEY FIGHTING WORLD! Don’t believe me?! Well fuck you! ‘Cause it’s real Jack! You’re dead! I’m dead! We’re all […]

Science Hates Your Balls: The War on Sperm

Scientists, in laboratories all over the globe, are busy thinking of new and hilarious ways to make mice fucking even more pointless. But don’t laugh too hard at blank shooting rodents, because science’ll be coming for your testicles next! Since the invention of the penis approximately 47 billion years ago man has been desperately trying to devise ways to control them. They are […]

Apple unveils "iLand": You're All Going to Die Here

Steve Jobs is building a 150 acre compound in Cupertino California to house his 12,000 iTroops for the coming Applegeddon, and there’s precisely not a single damned thing that you or any god being to which you have pledged your eternal soul can do about it. The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing people that getting a discount by signing a […]