Van Full of Candy's Top 8 List "Looking Back on My Childhood, I Should Have Called CPS"

#8 … Being forced to mow the lawn in lederhosen, ’cause it’s cute #7 … Go make grandma a lowball glass of special medicine, shaken please #6 … The overnight mayonnaise hair conditioning in a hair-cap treatment #5 … Take this note and this $5 bill to the gas station and go buy auntie some […]

Can I get a Pack of Crusty Lung Light Menthol 100 Extra Slims Please?

Good news everybody! It’s still legal to suck disease straight down your throat, and it just got a whole lot sexier! Word came down today that the smooth, rich flavor that just makes life worth living is now going to come in new, “edgier” goth doom packaging. Adorned in “labels that depict in graphic detail the negative […]

Brain Cancer? There's an App For That.

Well, the good news is that the asshole sitting in front of you who took that call in the middle of the super dramatic and or touching moment during the last half hour of the future Oscar nominated Kung Fu Panda 2 this Sunday afternoon, and who’s whispering voice is louder than most toddler wails, is going to die a horrible screaming death, […]