I think if I’ve made one thing clear over the sporadic years of screaming things over the internet eye waves, it’s that I want to be sent things by companies so that I can feel pretty! But it seems for all of my well worded pleadery, I’m still not worthy of being allowed to tell people about the cool things I was given that they weren’t. And that makes my plaque lined arteries sad.
I have never felt more betrayed by a Taco Bell product than the last time I had to sprint to the bathroom after ingesting a Taco Bell product.
This last week, a select group of 1000 “Taco Bell Superfans and Influencers” were sent a special “Breakfast Phone”, as part of an advertising push leading to the launch of the new Taco Bell Breakfast Menu, which we covered last month. Having written that glowing article, I just figured that mine was in the mail and that I would soon be able to join in the completely spontaneous love of all things that I was told to spontaneously love by my taco overlords. I mean, if there was going to be a special manipulative present sent out to a thousand ANYONES, I would have to be one of them, considering my tireless reporting on all things Bell and/or Taco over the last month and a half. But sadly, it turns out that I am not one of the 1000 most influential Taco Bell influencers on the internets, which really hurts in more ways than I want to admit to you, myself or my chosen breakfast-tastrophies.
I was genuinely crushed to not have been chosen to receive one of these pre-paid phone-vertisement vehicles! I believe that I (more than anyone that I know), want most in life to receive random texts and pre-recorded voice taco messages instructing me to promote Taco Bell products to all of my legions (tens) of followers letting them know how much I love all things Taco Bellings that I was told to love!
I just want to be included! Here I am, of my own free will, touting every ridiculous and insane decision that comes down from Taco Bell headquarters, and the fat-headed Taco Bell execs won’t even give me the common courtesy of selecting me to be further used for their deliciously ludicrous food-esque ingestibles?! The opportunity to win A.M. Crunchwrap-themed bedding or Waffle Taco hoodies is not even offered to me as it rightfully should be!?
You wound me Taco Bell. The forsake…ment cuts deep and draws syrupy blood, which can only be sopped up by a bastardization of Mexican culture, re-packaged to stoners and those who have long lost the will to live healthily. And to think, I was going to name my first born child “Taco Bell Breakfast Menu Themed Outerwear”. Well no more. That ship has sailed Taco Bell–I mean, unless I find that my phone was just somehow lost in the mail, in which case I’ll come running back to you with my waffle receptacle agape and ready to be filled with your breakfast-bominations!
via: Your Daily Media