Finally Science Gets it Right, Introducing: Handjob Bot

There are many ways to tell when you’ve finally become an unquestioned, dominant global super power. Maybe you’ve dropped a couple nuclear warheads on an enemy, kicked some dirt in their face and asked their quivering corpses, “Now what?!” Perhaps you export all of your worst social trappings to the four corners of the world […]

All Hail, King Van Full of Candy!

Good news everybody! Tonight the United States Government shuts down! Hooray! Happy Days! Rock ‘n Roll! Someone get me a chung so I can wang the hell out of it! Why good news you may be asking? Well you see, yesterday on Twitter in addressing the imminent shuttering of this grand old nation, I called King. I called […]