I’m sorry. I am so very, very sorry. Let me explain… I’ve reviewed a lot of things. I generally pick those movies and television programs that I fully expect are going to be horrible (as evidenced here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here and here (and a couple others that time has misplaced…)). I do this because […]
“Oh fuck what just happened? I have this strange pain throbbing in my forehead area, but my eyes are open and everything is black and it smells like exhaust, where the fuck am I?” … You’re in the trunk of a car you stupid bitch-ass-bitch, and if you’re there, you probably deserve it. Don’t worry […]
Birds do it, bees do it, even perverts in the trees do it. Let’s do it, let’s fuck online. Chances are, if you’re on the internet (which as of this printing is still the only way that I know you could be reading this, though if you know of any others, please let us know), […]
In our many drives up and down this country’s most awesome state of Californyeaye (no offense NY in lieu of the 10 year) we see many great things , and being that half of the van is based GawdDammHollywood bitches we see a lot of movie-stars and boring shit like that. Yeah boring, I said it […]
I’m very committed to Van Full of Candy. I’ve been on vacation. I went to Burning Man last week and left a couple articles in my stead to keep my presence up. I am exceptionally drunk on my 4th Long Island Ice Tea of the evening. But here I am, drunk blogging at nearly midnight […]
Dear song, I know things didn’t really end so well with us, and the few months that have passed without any contact have been pretty stressful for me, but probably more stressful for you. But when I gratifyingly heard you on the radio today, I realized that you still cared, which is something I had […]
Apparently we here at Van Full of Candy were somehow overlooked for this years “GQ Man of the Year” awards. I’m not sure if it’s because we missed the phone call or if our nomination into several of the categories got lost in the mail … strange … we’ll get it all straightened out. I’ll […]
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLw5XXm9lYc&sns=tw]
September 2, 1962 — In a noble attempt to become the first man to run the mile in under two minutes, Polish born Nikifor Smolnik, whose name coincidentally means “bearer of victory”, decided to imitate Mercury’s winged shoes by strapping a pigeon to each of his own shoes. Unfortunately for him and more unfortunate for […]
… the bartender says, “What’ll it be fellas?”. The iPhone says, “I don’t know about these two stiffs, but I wanna tie one on and go home with a stranger.”. Ok, so WTF Apple employees? This is beginning to be some sort of alcohol induced habit. You get your prototype, you go out drinking, and […]