Show Your Support For Reproductive Rights With This Coat Hanger Pendant Conversation Starter

There’s not a lot of things more polarizing in today’s society than what a lady woman should and shouldn’t be allowed to do with her own biological by-product. So what better way to gently facilitate rational conversation than a coat hanger hanging around your neck as thank you for your donation to the cause? Oh, […]

It’s Not Just Your Imagination, “Old People Smell” Exists

You’re gonna die some day. Don’t be sad, so will I, so I’ll get my comeuppance too. But before we get there, horrible, humiliating and down right cruel things happen to us. The LEAST of which is that we start smelling funny, and no, it’s apparently not all in our head. Originally posted on Your […]

Family: Can’t Live With ‘Em, Can’t Assault Them With Your Vibrator

There are likely, certain members of your family which you’re not overly fond of, but rarely is the answer for resolving your differences, battering them with something lathered in your own personal juices. Or, maybe it is, maybe I just don’t know how to properly express my feelings. Originally posted on Your Daily Media It […]

Hold On To Your Gag Reflex: 44-year-old Fetus Found in 84-year-old Woman

The human body is a wondrous, amazing and altogether confusing mechanism. We walk, we talk, we breathe and spit and shit and shout. And then sometimes, every now and then, the human body will surprise us, and what you thought was a prolonged tummy ache was a calcified “stone baby” living in your guts for […]

British “Man” Gives Birth: Lose Your Fucking Mind and Hate Him!

We live in an amazing, Technicolor, sci-fi world. A world where you can almost literally be anything you want. I mean, you can’t actually be, say, a cat or a polar bear. But you can dress up like them and fuck other people dressed up like zebras and mice, which is basically all you would […]

From Rage Oranges To Shame Milk — Family: Who Needs It?

“If I wanted to see mammals feeding their young with their own self producing lactic fluids I’d go to a god damned zoo and “Awww” at its adorable quaintness on the other side of plexiglass where it belongs! Now feed my wife this god damned hand pealed citrus or I’ll murder every last one of […]

Santa Christ Is Coming To Town

What better way to bring in the Yuletide season with the wonderful smell of Gingerbread Lattes and White Christmas playing in the background. Storming the malls on black Friday and hopefully not trampling anyone in the process, let alone being the trample-ee. Getting all the things our family wants and eating all the things that […]

Van Full of Candy's Top 8 List "Looking Back on My Childhood, I Should Have Called CPS"

#8 … Being forced to mow the lawn in lederhosen, ’cause it’s cute #7 … Go make grandma a lowball glass of special medicine, shaken please #6 … The overnight mayonnaise hair conditioning in a hair-cap treatment #5 … Take this note and this $5 bill to the gas station and go buy auntie some […]

Van Full of Candy's Last Minute Zombified Costume Ideas

Halloween has become big business in recent years as adults have stolen away a holiday intended for children to play dress up by scaring parents with tales of abduction and tainted treats to the point where most juvenile trick treating takes place in well lit suburban malls at two in the afternoon on February 9th. […]

Sonny & Cher's Daughter … Watch Him Dance !!

There’s been a few times over the last few months that I wanted to write something about Chaz Bono, and each time the slant was different. Not liking Chaz: pointing out Chaz’s silver platter and how using the Sonny & Cher platform to succeed was lame. Liking Chaz: for doing what Chaz was doing in […]