Guys Hate Valentine’s Day (Whitney Houston Style)

The official day of love, as told to us by a major greeting card corporation, comes once a year and here we are standing three people deep in an aisle of pink picked over rectangles. We stand there with glazed over eyes, a smidge of drool forming in the corner of our mouths, hoping that […]

Articles Schmarticles … Show Us The Boobs !!!

When I think of great reading material the only true publication that jumps out at me without even giving it a second thought is Playboy. Month after month, year after year they churn out some of the ┬ámost interesting and in depth articles covering the gamut from polictics to Super Bowl MVPs, from how to […]

Santa Christ Is Coming To Town

What better way to bring in the Yuletide season with the wonderful smell of Gingerbread Lattes and White Christmas playing in the background. Storming the malls on black Friday and hopefully not trampling anyone in the process, let alone being the trample-ee. Getting all the things our family wants and eating all the things that […]

Well, Tomorrow's One Better, Isn't it?

Every year there’s a magic number date that the numerological┬átreat special because completely by accident the calendar┬ádid something interesting. Most of the time I couldn’t care less and silently root for the passing of this magical day so that I don’t have to hear about it again for another hundred years. But this year is […]

Van Full of Candy's Last Minute Zombified Costume Ideas

Halloween has become big business in recent years as adults have stolen away a holiday intended for children to play dress up by scaring parents with tales of abduction and tainted treats to the point where most juvenile trick treating takes place in well lit suburban malls at two in the afternoon on February 9th. […]

You Got Your Racism In My Costume … You Got Your Costume In My Racism [Halloween Edition]

We here at Van Full of Candy are just completely NOT OKAY with the way that we’re portrayed out in the, what you people call, the regular world. Constantly being called, the creepy van, the molester van, the rapist kidnapper old man with puppies and candy with a mustache van who wants to kill you […]

HOLY BASTARD! It’s American Cheese Month!

I love two things in this sad mockery of an existence that I do charitably call a life. One is the sound a human soul makes when a person finally realizes that none of their life’s ambiti0ns will ever be met and that their entire being has been one long string of lies to themselves […]