#8 … Being forced to mow the lawn in lederhosen, ’cause it’s cute #7 … Go make grandma a lowball glass of special medicine, shaken please #6 … The overnight mayonnaise hair conditioning in a hair-cap treatment #5 … Take this note and this $5 bill to the gas station and go buy auntie some […]
We here at Van Full of Candy are just completely NOT OKAY with the way that we’re portrayed out in the, what you people call, the regular world. Constantly being called, the creepy van, the molester van, the rapist kidnapper old man with puppies and candy with a mustache van who wants to kill you […]
First it was Pamela & Tommy, then Paris, and then that one Kardashian chick. Rock stars, television stars, and others who ride the coattails of their father and become reality TV stars. Two glaring things stick out like a sore thumb … that I’m assuming have been smashed by a hammer, because how else would […]
Apparently the best way to prevent cervical cancer is a good old smeary pap. So … here’s our coupon !! [brightcove vid=1223257898001&exp3=102195605001&surl=http://c.brightcove.com/services&pubid=29906170001&pk=AQ~~,AAAABvaL8JE~,ufBHq_I6Fnyou4pHiM9gbgVQA16tDSWm&w=300&h=225]
Well, look at this, heaven must be missing it’s sexiest, most charming, best hung angel… ’cause here I am. But seriously though, I couldn’t help but notice you checking me out from across the bar. I get that a lot. I thought I’d make my way over here before you strained something molesting my delicious […]
Hey everyone, Jason here from VFoC blogging live from a line in front of the mall waiting to get in so I can make the mad dash to the Apple store and buy my unexpensive iPhone 4S. The strange thing about this is that I have an iPhone 4, which is less than a year […]
Gone are the days of a good ‘ol fashion melon pounding thanks to this latest punishment to the people, bestowed upon us by a spiteful and vengeful god. You know, I really don’t understand how a melon STD outbreak is even possible, let alone fair. I mean, what the hell is ‘listeria’ anyway? It’s not […]
Have you ever stared at a word for a really long time and the word starts to just turn into letters that make absolutely no sense and it’s almost like you’re looking at a foreign language that you don’t understand? Oh, so I’m the only one? Whatever liars. So as I was digging into the […]
“Lily”, Sesame Street’s newest muppet, for a one night only performance, tackles the social issue of poverty and hunger. It’s going to be aired this Sunday on TV and hosted by Brad Paisley. Brad is a very popular singer of the country varietal who is by no means worried where his next meal is coming […]
Awww baby, don’t be sad. We had to go away for you. I know it doesn’t make sense baby, but we had to go away so that we could give you somethin’ good. You understand, don’t ya baby? We missed you hard. Real hard. Think of how much you missed us, then multiply it by […]