Welcome To (Alleged) Fatherhood Justin

MAZELTOV! Oh Justin, we’re so very, very (allegedly) happy for you! I’m sorry this is a couple months late, but to be fair, you’re just finding out about it yourself now aren’t you? Wow, who’d a thunk it? Our little Justin Bieber already a daddy. Seems like just yesterday you were also still a child […]

Celebrity News: So Crazy, it’s True

Justin Bieber Rushed to Hospital for Violent Peanut Alergy James Franco Makes Invisible Art/Sells it for Real Money When he’s not pursuing a multitude of college degrees, acting in soap operas and major stoner themed motion pictures, guest professoring, being a rock star or modeling on the side, you know, to make ends meet, James Franco is […]

The Things We Do For Love

Love. It’ll make you do crazy things. Like, spell out your crush’s name in alphabet soup and text them a picture of it. Maybe hide little love notes in the Sunday classifieds. Or, if you’re really in love, cut off your beloved’s head in front of a school full of people fully not intending to be covered in neck […]

Our Favorite Search Terms of the Week

Search engines. They’re imprecise, clumsy and ultimately telling of your inner most wants and desires. Your search history is kind of weird and embarrassing, and I’ll give you the same answer that I gave that flasher who lingered a little longer than necessary: no, you can’t look at mine. When you have a website, you get […]

Justin Bieber Cuts His Hair

Scientists at the Clones ‘R’ Us Laboratories in Santa Monica, California have been on high alert for a new endeavor that is about to come down their cell replicating pipeline. The infamous hairdo of Justin Bieber has been shorn like a little sheep, the exact species that Clones ‘R’ Us have perfected in their duplication […]

Another Grammy Waste Of Time

Van Full of Candy’s 2011 Predictions

With the new year, a lot of people like to make predictions about the upcoming hellscape that will be the coming trip around the sun. Impotently grasping for meaning and some illusion of control or understanding in a world where absolutely nothing makes sense. And we’re no different, except for how we’re exactly nothing at […]