Did you hear that? That was the sound of the 24 hour news machine’s erection slamming into the under side of their anchor desk. You know, say what you will about the man, but Michael Jackson was a consummate performer, right up to the end and beyond. The man never stopped giving and now he has given us one […]
Hey there wanna-be-surgeon, you’re scaring the shit out of me with your apocalyptic fashion gear. Would you mind taking it off, you’re scaring the children. Did I somehow not get the memo about some sort of asbestos spill? If there’s some sort of nerve agent loose and I forgot my King of Pop mask, I’m […]
You wake up every morning at 4:30 am. Creeping quietly through your small, leaky two bedroom apartment, you put together lunches for your two children, girl child, age six and male boy kid, age 8, both students at the same central Florida elementary school. Packing them into the family hand me down station wagon which now runs solely on […]
Penis. Ooooh, aren’t you outraged? Of course you are. You want to know why? Because I just said you were. And that’s all it takes. We’re off and running. You’ve likely never seen my penis, the majority of you have never even had one of your own to never be spoken of. But I just […]
There’s a reason the situation comedy is dead, and “Retired at 35” is it. That is not to say that this show is solely responsible for the death of an entire genre of television, though sure, I just made it sound like it is. In fact, “Retired at 35” is probably one of the better […]
Look at ’em, staring at me while I sit at this eternal red light, where eternal is roughly one minute and 13 seconds. They’re all perfect and happy and … not obese. Where do they come from? Why do they exist? Where in the hell do you purchase them? The most logical explanation would be […]
You haven’t died from Polio, and through the miracle of modern technology, that bowling trophy’s broken arm was safely rescued from deep within my “fun house”. But aside from that, what has science done for any of us? For every life saving vaccine or highly specialized rectal jaws of life that science accidentally discovers, there are […]