German Screw Boat Hits Choppy Political Waters

Who and what you want to plunge your parts into really shouldn’t make any difference to anyone but you and the recipient. Nor should the number of whos or whats. But some people just can’t help but stick their nose where it wasn’t invited to be stuck. Originally posted on Your Daily Media The idea of […]

Beer Drones Grounded By FAA, Dreams Of Airborne Brews On Hold

It’s a pure science fact that we here at Van Full of Candy do love our alcohol yum-yums. The idea of having them air lifted to our waiting drinking arms seemed like an idea that we should have had. But apparently, the FAA doesn’t approve of our completely under control lifestyle! Originally posted on Your […]

Sorry Folks, Internet’s Closed. Moose Out Front Shoulda Told Ya

It’s unfortunate, we had an incredible article planned for you today. It had dinosaurs, and robots and a bald eagle punching Hitler in the taint with a star spangled boxing glove. We put together a video which showed the two of us hang gliding off of Mount Rushmore, shooting machine guns into the air and […]

Can I get a Pack of Crusty Lung Light Menthol 100 Extra Slims Please?

Good news everybody! It’s still legal to suck disease straight down your throat, and it just got a whole lot sexier! Word came down today that the smooth, rich flavor that just makes life worth living is now going to come in new, “edgier” goth doom packaging. Adorned in “labels that depict in graphic detail the negative […]

Anarchgay in the USA

Every time a gay thinks about marrying, God gets punched in the taint by the Devil and a kitten sucks a dick. A same-sex marriage bill is currently working its way through the New York state legislature which can only mean one thing, Jesus is warming up his wave machine while solemnly shaking his head in disappointment with […]

Defenders of Sexy Teachers

It’s no secret that Van Full of Candy is a supporter of hot teachers.  It’s a brave, bold stance that we have long taken when ever a poor, misunderstood educator is arrested for doing things that we wish had been done to us in school. Of course we couldn’t possibly defend EVERY apple polishing head mistress every time we […]

Beware: Exploding Babies

I don’t do a lot of flying, I have my reasons. One of them, certainly, is the fact that I don’t do a lot of traveling. I don’t think they have a lot of destinationless flights, and if they did, why would they? But when I do go somewhere, which as I’ve stated, I don’t, I […]