I wanna shoot lasers on the chest and back of my first boyhood crush, and for once I don’t mean that metaphorically… Danica McKellar, let’s Tag one another with, oh, what’s say: Laser! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mC3FwVldBbo] The newly revived craze seems to be begging beautiful celebrities through the YouTubes to hang out with you and their having to pretend […]
This is probably the most painful thing I’ve ever had to write, no seriously !! The lady above, Kieu Becker, decided enough was enough with her marriage and decided to whack her husband’s pecker off and throw it in the garbage disposal. But it gets worse! She then decided to turn the garbage disposal on […]
Your regularly scheduled Van Full of Candy Thursday post has been temporarily delayed due to a sudden, raging Soccer on… We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause, we just love Soccer so very, very much. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to the Soccer room to Soccer one out… USA! USA! USA!
It seems that if us normal folk want to step out on the town with untouchable Hollywood types, all we need to do is shoot a cute little video asking these film gods and goddesses to go somewhere with us, and they’ll say “Yes”. Kind of like a fun game of Millionnaire-Truth-or-Dare for them. F’ING […]
Soon helmet giveaways at the ballpark won’t just be novelty promotions, but mandatory equipment given out before every game to protect lunatics from accidentally murdering themselves diving from rafters for collectible garbage. I don’t know if you’ve heard the news, but there’s a hot new trend at the nation’s basedballing sport complexes: face diving onto cement from heights […]
My dearest Slurpee, you’ve been my friend for many, many years And on this day, when Slurpees are free, I am always brought to tears – I drive around to dozens of 7-11’s today all within my town Getting my fix of sugar and artificial color which makes my face look like a clown – […]
I own two vehicles, neither of which would I trust to take me great distances, even if either of them were legally allowed on California road ways. So when I make solo treks across the length, bredth, or even occasionally, depth of the globe (fuck you z axis, I said it) I am generally relegated […]
People do stupid things. To be more accurate, college aged kids do stupid things. To be even more accurate, drunken, college aged kids do stupid things. I wouldn’t know, I was torn from the thigh of Zeus, fully formed, wizened beyond reason and sent here to entertain the masses with my razor sharp wit and imaginative […]
What the hell is going on with TSA these days? A couple of months ago they were searching for bombs in baby’s diapers, then they moved on recently to searching for bombs in a 90 year old’s Depends Undergarment. But now … NOW … they’re going to need to start fondling all the ladies with implants. […]
Idiot #1: How do you like my new hair cut Moron #2? Moron #2: That is quite a finely cut set of hairs Idiot #1. I would go so far as to call that haircut “awesome”. Us: Hey idiot. Lookie here moron. You’re wrong; shut the fuck up. Has this kind of thing happened to […]