So Montel William’s television show, monotonously named, “The Montel William’s Show” ended a few years ago. Not that anybody had any clue, hence, me letting you know. You probably know him better for his infomercials pushing his Healthmaster Blender to people who are too lazy to actually go to a grocery store, buy the ingredients to make […]
I could have sworn that a couple of years ago I heard commercial after commercial that Oprah’s final season was happening, but even today when I click the little black rectangle, there she is, still. She hasn’t gone anywhere! That damn show is still on and her “final farewell for realsies show” is three freakin’ days long this week, labeled: […]
In American culture, there are two widely accepted sky myth stories. The first of which being that a a giant bearded dude who lives in the clouds said one day “This shit is dark yo, BOOMSHACKALACKA!” and then everything that is happened. Then he made people in his image and decided he didn’t like them and washed […]
Ok guys calm down, CALM DOWN!! Please get in a single file line and quit shoving each other. I understand now that Maria Shriver is single that we all can’t wait to get our shot at that Kennedy lineage poontang, but please, have some maturity here, Jesus!! Oh, hi there dear reader. I’m just trying […]
If we’ve learned one thing from this morning’s Royal Wedding gala extravaganza hullabaloo, it’s that British parades are kinda sucky. If we’ve learned two things from this morning’s et al, it’s that if your pre-printed near future stationary and business cards read “Mutha fuckin’ KING y’all” you can get away with being more or less homely and […]
I’m noticing a very strange and scary trend happening in the world right now, and it’s making me very uncomfortable, as it should you too. As I was watching a rerun of House, the medical show with the guy who has a cane and walks around with a limp, acting all “smarter than thou” and […]
As regular readers know, we at Van Full of Candy have a love, hate, stab, caress relationship with a certain young pop super star whose name shall be mentioned many dozen times throughout this article. Whether it’s his disappointment in and hatred of rape victims, or his world shaking follicle styling decisions, we have been there every […]
Much of the state of California lays in ruins at this hour after Jason Whitesel and Jesse Jones, Van Full of Candy co-founders escaped police custody in Sacramento and Los Angeles respectively. In what was thought to be an impossibly short span of time for such a feat, Jason managed to dig a hole through his […]
Hey, so this is the Van Full of Candy intern Jerry. By now you’ve probably heard that Jesse and Jason were arrested just a couple minutes ago for refusing to remove their viral hit “Greatest Stories Ever Written: Friday by Rebecca Black” [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cgu-Pe91Lx4] (They told me to put the video up again in this update) […]
Fan-fucking-tastic. While our new Rebecca Black Spoken Word video — [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cgu-Pe91Lx4] is busy taking this world and all known adjacent planets by fucking storm, opening doors up for us that we never even expected to see, it apparently has also gotten us attention we didn’t want. This just showed up for us. A cease and desist from […]